Exploring Gender and Sexual Identity

Many people have questions about their identity at different times in their lives. We are complex beings, and there are many aspects to our identity that tell a story about who we are, where we come from, and where we are going: age, tribal affiliation, spirituality, gender, sexuality among many others. 

Your tribe may have cultural beliefs about gender and sexual identity, your family may have certain views too, but ultimately, your personal identify is exactly that…personal.

Exploring the concepts of Sex Assigned at Birth, Gender and Sexual identity can be particularly challenging, because we may not have been taught what these categories mean. Click on each of the following categories to learn more.

Sex Assigned at Birth

This is the label (usually male or female) you are assigned by a doctor after you are born. It is based on medical factors, for example, your genitals, chromosomes, and hormones, and goes on your birth certificate. ¹

Gender Identity

Gender describes who you are: how you feel, how you experience your own gender, and what gender means to you. Gender identity is how your feel about your gender on the inside, and gender expression is how you show that to the world. People can choose to express gender through their clothing, appearance, and behavior. It’s important not jump to conclusions about someone’s gender identity based on the way they talk, dress, style their hair, act or even the friends they have. ² Some people think gender is a binary, or made up of only two things, like yes or no. People who believe gender is a binary think there are two choices, being a boy or a girl. However, many people and tribes describe or experience gender in more than two ways. Click on each of the following terms to learn what they mean. 

Two Spirit

Some Tribal people have both the male and female spirit within them and see life through the eyes of both genders. They often refer to themselves under the umbrella term “Two Spirit”, but many Two Spirit also have tribally specific names.³ In many Tribal cultures, Two Spirit People were balance keepers and held important ceremonial and societal roles. The role of Two Spirit has evolved over time, but many of these traditions are still alive today. 

Genderqueer/Gender Fluid

Some identify with a gender that is different from boy or girl, identify with both genders, or feel they don’t have a gender at all. These people may call themselves, “genderqueer,” “gender variant,” or “gender fluid.”

Non-Binary

Others feel neither completely male nor female and identify as Non-binary. Sometimes, folks use pronouns different from “she/her” or “he/him”. You can always ask someone which pronouns they prefer!

Cis-Gender

Some people’s assigned sex and gender are pretty much the same. These people are cis-gender. For example, if you were assigned “female” at birth and identify with being a female, you would be a cis-gendered female (same for males who were assigned male at birth).

Trans-gender

Other folks find that their gender doesn’t match the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, if someone’s gender identity is male, but their sex was identified as female at birth, they are called trans-gender or trans. 

Just like there are many ways to be a boy or a girl, there have always been diverse ways people experience gender. ⁴ Gender can be fluid, and it is normal to explore your gender at any stage of your life.  

Sexual Orientation and Identity

While gender identity is about who you are, sexual identity is about who you feel attracted to or want to be with sexually, romantically, or emotionally. ⁵ In our society, people often assume that everyone is attracted to the opposite gender only, and that sexual, romantic, and emotional attraction are necessarily the same thing. However, attraction can be lot more diverse, fluid, and unique! It is never too early or too late to explore your sexual orientation.

Let’s explore some different identities associated with sexuality. It’s important to recognize that some people don’t like the idea of being categorized as one thing or the other. Others feel that none of the identities described below apply to them. It’s up to you to decide which sexual identity best fits you, if any. As you change and evolve throughout your life, so can your sexual identity! 

Click on each term to learn more.

Heterosexual/Straight

Many people are exclusively attracted to people of the opposite gender (for example, women who are only attracted to men). These people are often called straight or heterosexual.

Homosexual/Gay/Lesbian

Others are exclusively attracted to people of the same gender. These people often call themselves gay or homosexual. Gay women sometimes prefer using the term lesbian.

Bisexual

People who are attracted to both men and women are often referred to as bisexual.

Pansexual/Queer

Some folks are attracted to people with many different gender identities (female, male, non-binary, trans, etc.). They may prefer the term pansexual or queer.

Questioning/Curious

The terms “questioning” or “curious” often refer to people who are unsure of their sexual identity and in the process of exploring it.

Demisexual/Asexual

Some folks may experience little or no sexual attraction at all, even though they may still feel romantically or emotionally attracted to people. They may call themselves demisexual or asexual.

Coming Out

Coming Out refers to the process of learning about your own gender and sexual identity and openly sharing that identity with other people. ⁴ When or if a person wants to come out to themselves, or other people, is a personal decision and coming out looks different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way: from sending a text to having a conversation in person, all different forms of coming out are valid. 

If you are ever in this position, when you decide to come out to others, give yourself some time to plan. ⁵ Perhaps you can identify a trusted person in your life that you think will be most ok with the news and decide to come out to them first. It can also help to practice what you will say and try to think of different ways the person might react. Sometimes you may be surprised by people’s openness or acceptance. You can often get a sense of how people feel by the way they talk about 2SLGBTQ people in casual conversation. Perhaps you can even “test the waters” by asking how they feel about a celebrity who is 2SLGBTQ or how they feel about marriage equality (or marriage between people who identify as gay).

When you do come out to someone, give them time and space to process. Sometimes, people will have lots of questions. If you feel comfortable, you can answer their questions or share more resources, but educating them about sexual and gender identity isn’t your responsibility! ⁴

Sometimes, coming out may not go according to plan. Remember, it’s not your fault if people don’t react as you had hoped. You deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are, and you will be! Your ancestors are cheering for you because you’re incredibly brave. In situations where you may be unsafe, it can be good to have a backup plan for food, housing, transportation, and support if you need it.

Finding support when you’re coming out is especially important. Supportive people in your life can be teachers, counselors, friends, neighbors, or family members. If you know a trusted person who is LGBTQ, or an ally to LGBTQ people, they can be a great resource. In addition, there are online or in person communities that can provide support on your journey, for example, the Gay/Straight Alliance at your school, or LGBTQ organizations such as the Trevor project. The Trevor project also has a crisis hotline that is open 24/7, 365 days a year, that can provide immediate support for LGBTQ youth who are in distress or thinking about suicide. Suicide is unfortunately very common among LGBTQ youth, so it’s important to know you are not alone and there are tons of people willing to help and support you. You can call this hotline at 1-866-488-7386 or through the internet. There are many Native specific resources for you, check out these and other resources and support groups below. 

Here are some great resources to learn more about sexual and gender identity, and get support in coming out:

• Text LGBTQ2S to 94449 to reach The Paths (Re)Membered Project for LGBTQ2S resources for Native young people
• Native Youth Sexual Health Network https://www.nativeyouthsexualhealth.com/
• Indigenizing Love Toolkit: https://www.healthynativeyouth.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/IndigenizingLoveToolkitYouth.pdf
• Native Out Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/nativeout/
• Interactive map of Two-Spirit terms in different Tribal languages/ local Two Spirit organizations: https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/lgbtq-rights/news/2016/10/17/143403/two-spiritnative-american-lgbt-people/
• The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ 
• Human Rights Campaign: https://www.hrc.org/resources 
• Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays: https://pflag.org/ 
• The It Gets Better Project: https://itgetsbetter.org/